the day before a race is always a different day. you wake up with ease of mind knowing it's not "the day," but it's the day before and your thoughts and energy begin to gravitate toward the inevitable day to come.
on my run today, i let my mind relax and open itself to the possibility of running the "B" standard, of even running the "A" standard. how is it possible that the african women are splitting 5K of their 10K faster than i can pr in a single 5K? how am i not 1000% sure that i will raise hell tomorrow night? afterall, won't it be two more years of training until i am again at this same intersection? lucky enough to be in a position to chase a standard for the world championship team?
my mind wanders more until i am envisioning myself making small and scary decisions during the race, "keep hanging on", when deep pits of doubt start eating at me and i find myself at another mental crossroad where i decide to keep going, keep pushing, keep hurting. until i finally slip deeper into this dream and there i am, watching myself cross the line in 15:09. i collapse to the ground in joy and exhaustion and kiss the sky with such exhilaration, my body covered in sweat and the evening rain. ahhhh it's a dream...
so how do i make the connection between what is real, what is possible, what is out of reach, and what is simply a dream?
enough thinking. enough dreaming.
time for bed. time for tomorrow.